The Last Days of Mankind by Karl Kraus

Author:Karl Kraus
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Yale University Press
Published: 2015-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

ACT IV

Scene 1

Vienna on the eve of the American declaration of war. At the corner where the Kärntnerstrasse meets the Ring. Masked figures and spectral apparitions, arm in arm, in groups of five. Hollow mirth alternates with deep, brooding silence. A gaggle of young bucks stand glaring eyeball to eyeball at one another as if linked together by some secret. The crowd moves, when it moves at all, between rows of civilians, cripples, disabled veterans, their heads and limbs constantly twitching, all kinds of wrecks and freaks, male and female beggars of all ages, the blind and the sighted, who stare vacantly at the empty show. Here and there bent figures searching for cigar butts on the pavement.

FIRST NEWSPAPER VENDOR Ex-tra-aa edi-shun—! Eye-talians annoyilated!

SECOND NEWSPAPER VENDOR Ex-tra-aa edi-shun—! Note from President Woolson!

FIRST OFFICER (to three others) Evening Nowotny, evening Pokorny, evening Powolny—the very man! You know all about politics. Come on, tell us, what do you think about America?

SECOND OFFICER (with walking stick) All bluff!

THIRD OFFICER Yep—spot-on.

FOURTH OFFICER Absolutely—I was at a bash in the mess last night—! Did you see the latest Schönpflug cartoon? Fantabulous!

FIRST OFFICER Y’know, I think it’s just an American publicity stunt—that kind of thing.

FOURTH OFFICER Business is all they want—so it said in the paper. Bizniz!

THIRD OFFICER Y’know, when they do arm, it’ll be against China.

SECOND OFFICER What are you talking about? Against Japan!

THIRD OFFICER Or Japan, of course, same thing—I always get them mixed up.

SECOND OFFICER Bluff, I say. In the first place they can’t, because of the U-boats—

FOURTH OFFICER Of course, especially now we’ve intensified the attacks on their merchant shipping.

SECOND OFFICER And y’know, if they do come across—one regiment of ours will easily take out their divisions—child’s play, my friend! Rat-a-tat-tat and that’s that!

THIRD OFFICER High time we had some peace and quiet.

SECOND OFFICER What’s that you’re saying!

THIRD OFFICER I mean, so we can go for supper in the Gartenbau again.

SECOND OFFICER Ah, that’s different.

FIRST OFFICER Come on, you know all about politics, I keep reading that they’re going to make a blockade—what’s a blockade?

SECOND OFFICER It’s—y’know—look, think of us and the Germans, we’re a block they can’t defeat, so instead they cut off our food supplies and things.

FIRST OFFICER Ah, so that’s what it is—but is it true the Socialists are to blame for the Czechs deserting to the Russkies?—Hey—isn’t that—I know that broad, look over there—say, what are legitimate interests?

SECOND OFFICER Reporting for duty—she’s the one from last night—tasty dish!—hang on a minute, I’ll just—(exit.)

THE OTHERS (calling after him) See you later in Hopfner’s then!

THIRD NEWSPAPER VENDOR Tagblatt! No one can stop our boys’ advances!

A COUNTESS (noticing one of the officers, to her lady companion) Look at all his decorations, I bet he put up a good fight. I adore it when they’re good fighters. (A blind soldier in a wheelchair appears, his uniform in tatters.) When I was still working at the Palffy Hospital—

INTELLECTUAL (to his companion) I assure you, as long as the enemy’s mentality is so frivolous—(exeunt.)

A car draws up in front of the Hotel Bristol.

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